Conflict is a natural part of our lives and is a useful tool in finding the best possible solution in the shortest amount of time. Knowing when and where to wield this tool takes some practice as well as awareness of the impact on those around you.
Sometimes, conflict is treated like a game of skill or strategy. Much like a chess match, contestants end up in a mental game of wits trying to outmaneuver their competition. Others take on a gladiator-esque approach, sparring to see who has the stronger personality or will.
Conflict is a very useful tool but might be abused as much as it is used properly. Here are some coaching points to keep in mind to quickly get to an agreed to solution.
1. Make sure there’s a problem to solve. How many times have you heard two people debating a point in “violent agreement”? I like the definition of a problem outlined in the book “Are Your Lights On?” where the author defines a problem being the difference between desired and perceived state. The gap between where you want something to be and where you perceive it to be is the problem. No gap, no problem. Small gap, small problem. I’m not saying that level of conflict needs to match the level of the gap, but you should consider the size of the gap from your perspective as well as the others you are trying to influence.
2. Don’t get too emotionally involved in the discussion. It is easy to get wrapped up in something you’re passionate about, especially when you are being challenged on your position to something you feel strongly about. Don’t let the conflict turn from pragmatic to posturing. Keep in mind why you engaged in conflict in the first place which was to solve a problem, not to win an argument. If you maintain that position, the other individual will generally come around.
3. Make sure you are forward focused. Conflict can be used to determine the solution to a current / future problem but it won’t solve past problems. If you are looking for a problem with something that occurred in the past…you’ll find it. Nothing’s perfect so if you find yourself debating something that happened in the past you’re most likely not solving a problem so conflict is not going to help in this situation.
4. Watch out for conflict voids. If you rarely engage in conflict with the people you work with you are either part of some alien race where everyone sees with one mind OR you (or those around you) have issue with conflict. There could be a fear of retribution if they speak their minds or they don’t waste the effort trying to convince you of their perspective because you never see it their way.
Absence or abundance of conflict is not good. In either extreme, your company will not get the best solution or the solution will take too much time and cost to deliver.
Got conflict? Love to hear about it.
photo: shyald
Sometimes, conflict is treated like a game of skill or strategy. Much like a chess match, contestants end up in a mental game of wits trying to outmaneuver their competition. Others take on a gladiator-esque approach, sparring to see who has the stronger personality or will.
Conflict is a very useful tool but might be abused as much as it is used properly. Here are some coaching points to keep in mind to quickly get to an agreed to solution.
1. Make sure there’s a problem to solve. How many times have you heard two people debating a point in “violent agreement”? I like the definition of a problem outlined in the book “Are Your Lights On?” where the author defines a problem being the difference between desired and perceived state. The gap between where you want something to be and where you perceive it to be is the problem. No gap, no problem. Small gap, small problem. I’m not saying that level of conflict needs to match the level of the gap, but you should consider the size of the gap from your perspective as well as the others you are trying to influence.
2. Don’t get too emotionally involved in the discussion. It is easy to get wrapped up in something you’re passionate about, especially when you are being challenged on your position to something you feel strongly about. Don’t let the conflict turn from pragmatic to posturing. Keep in mind why you engaged in conflict in the first place which was to solve a problem, not to win an argument. If you maintain that position, the other individual will generally come around.
3. Make sure you are forward focused. Conflict can be used to determine the solution to a current / future problem but it won’t solve past problems. If you are looking for a problem with something that occurred in the past…you’ll find it. Nothing’s perfect so if you find yourself debating something that happened in the past you’re most likely not solving a problem so conflict is not going to help in this situation.
4. Watch out for conflict voids. If you rarely engage in conflict with the people you work with you are either part of some alien race where everyone sees with one mind OR you (or those around you) have issue with conflict. There could be a fear of retribution if they speak their minds or they don’t waste the effort trying to convince you of their perspective because you never see it their way.
Absence or abundance of conflict is not good. In either extreme, your company will not get the best solution or the solution will take too much time and cost to deliver.
Got conflict? Love to hear about it.
photo: shyald
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